Ask Nancy – I think I’m gay


Nancy, Relationship Enthusiast

A“I’m in a relationship but I think I’m gay? What do I do?”

Hey Y’all,

Being honest, right off the bat, this is a hard one. Telling your S.O. you swing the other way can be an emotional process.

All jokes aside, the most important thing is to keep your ex-boo’s feelings in mind. They probably, hopefully, treasure your relationship and this could be a real slap in the face.

So step one: Being honest with yourself. Questioning your sexuality can be really confusing. Especially if you’re in an environment where you can’t fully be yourself. Keep in mind, sexuality is a spectrum, you don’t have to be all the way one way or all the way the other. You don’t even have to label yourself if you don’t want to. The fact that you’re questioning it could be the first sign to make some changes.

Step two: Face-to-face conversation. Do not do this over text. I know coming out can already be really difficult and scary. The thought of doing it face-to-face can be absolutely terrifying, but your girlfriend/boyfriend deserves the respect of hearing the words not just reading them. This way you two can have an open conversion and discuss the relationship in an honest way.

Texting can cause so many miscommunications. One of you might read something in a tone that the other did not intend. Or there could be a typo and the message could say something you did not intend. And finally not being able to see your bae’s face could make you say something in the heat of the moment.

Step three: Finding the words. You are face to face with your boy/girlfriend and it’s time to muster up the words to tell them. This can prove to be the hardest part. You want to keep the other person’s feelings in mind. Starting by thanking them for everything they put into your relationship could be a good place to start. You don’t want them to feel as if it is their fault so explaining this to them is also essential. Now it’s time for the big news, by this point they most likely already know you’re about to break up with them but they are still waiting for the “why.” You want to be blunt but kind. So just get it out: “I’m gay.” Explain that you still like or love them just not in a romantic way and maybe y’all could still be friends.

Step four: The aftermath. Their reaction may be really supportive and kind, and if this is the case then HURRAY. Or it could be not so supportive or kind. If this is the case then they’re not worth your time. There are so many people out there that will love and support you regardless of who you want to kiss.

Step five: Getting back on the market. Now you’re single and ready to mingle. Of course, give yourself some time to heal from your previous relationship; but after that’s done. Go out there and catch your keeper.